Vanity, my favourite sin

F L O W

Last night I came to conclusion why my jobinterviews may be so unsuccessful. My own personality is my enemy here. My friends know that I'm such person whose emotions are not overflowing at first sight (well, some extreme situations not counted). I actually feel really strong emotions and generally I'm very positive, energetic and open type, but on some half hour to hour time it just may not be seen. A person who gets to know me better just at some point sees what material I'm made of. With certain people it may take really long time.

So, it may seem to interviewer that I'm not very enthusiastic, but here he/she is wrong. Like with happiness, sadness, anger, love, disappointment, etc, my body and face may not give it out so clearly (especially in such strict conditions like an interview), but actually I absolutely radiate it. My feelings are just so strong or clear and concentrated that people aren't used to see it so. It is like searching for a star and not seeing it because you are blinded from looking straight into the sun.

In normal circumstances people probably would think that I'm an introvert, but I think that it is wrong image about me. For example I'm very social, and although I hold many things to know only for myself. And in some sense I may be not very talkative, but these things are simply so because I just don't feel the reason to speak all the time, to be some smiling energyball or raging evil when I'm angry. My outside is mostly quite tranquil but inside is having strong feelings that flow outside as aura of energy. In that sence I'm similar to these buddhist monks who always have a slight smile but it is hard to understand if they feel anything. But they do - they are in harmony with world.. they feel sad, when something bad happens, and they feel happiness and gratefulness for living, etc. People are right when they think that I'm absolutely different, that I can not be classified as any kind - introvert, extravert, stoic, lively, secretive, open, etc.. I'm like all of that in one personality.

Therefore, I don't know what to do to be more readable in some certain situations where needed. How should I practice it. I think, last time when I met Gerli, I think even she was bit disapointed. Although I wasn't completely stoic, in contrary I was lively and happy and it was easily seen, but for her it still may have seemed like I wasn't glad to see her (well, I don't know it, but it seemed to me so). With my friends it IS hardest to socialize with her, as she haven't still got to understand me at all, and I don't understand her completely either. Oh well,.. not everyone will see the hidden world and it is quite impossible to help them. Oh I hope that humanrace shall develop somekind telepathical abilities in the future, because words are so limited.

Lets start the change!

We, people of today, consume too much, and therefore produce too much waste also. This is bad for the world, for the economy and for ourselves too. Watch that video.. it is really good!

http://www.storyofstuff.com/

Think about, what can you do to change your livingstyle already today!

..And of course I didn't fall for any latvian speaking girl.. whooh!

Oh.. I was supposed to add some photos from Latvia here. Maybe I shouldn't, as it takes away all the imagination you had about that place.. and possibly you may be dissapointed, as in my description everything may have been more beautiful. Well, but I didn't get many good photos anyway, so I still upload these few. The second time there was this cloudy weather (at least most of the time), and feeling was more off because of that, making much of that previous excitement disappear. As I have said in countless times, I work on solar power.

I went to Gauijena (yes it was i and then j.. I made mistake in the last post) in the previous eavning before the day our scenes were filmed. Man who drove us there was that day already on a second "to Estonia and back to Latvia" trip, and as waking for everyone in this filmcrew is early in the morning and we were supposed to get to Latvia around the midnight, he was pretty darn tired. In the same carride with me and another "looniecase" was one of the Estonian well known Actors - Elle Kull. She was quite talkative anyway, but when we saw that our driver is really really so tired that may just fall asleep behind the wheel, she simply didn't dare to shut her mouth. Fortunately we made it. Naturally I didn't feel any urge to go to sleep when we got to Gauijena. So I stayed up with few others almost half that night. It was good company with little drinks, fun and music. And even next morning wasn't so hard to wake up, but some time at midday it was my turn to feel overpowering tiredness. And again, although I don't like to drink coffee, I drinked it so much that later when we were driving back to Estonia I didn't feel really well.

Oh yes, I forgot to mention that I had somekind of misundersatanding when I was asked to be one of the actors there. I thought that it will be some commercial, but it was another weird Estonian movie. But it wouldn't had mattered anyway.. I would have agreed to act in anything, i guess. To me it seemed that writers/producers of it wanted to show us "insane" more normal than any other character there.

I had read only part of the script, and I pretty much only know that it is again such a slowpaced and hardly understandable thing with some surreal feeling. Main character is a man who has been in Afganistan for some time and become an muslim there and now is back in home country where he is suddenly drawed into weird events. There was a nudist theater/circus and a drowned man, and hearse driver who looked like Michael Jackson.. and of course the asylum with us.. normal people and crazy doctors. Anyway, like I said, I don't really know much anything about it and have to wait for the premiere like any other to be sure what it exactly was. Name is "Kirjad Inglile" (Letters to the Angel).

I guess I "forgot" to say in how bad shape these great manorhouses actually were.. only this place where we stayed, was in OK condition. And nature was still beautiful. Really better than it may seem from these photos.





Grrr.. I hate this blogger photo resizing.. I don't know.. if you click on the photos, will it be possible to see bigger pics.

No photos of me :p