So what then if at every moment I couldn't create an hit

Followed by translation to Estonian.

from 2.2.2010

Today many of us here have problems with the stomach. Don’t know what bad we have eaten. And it happened very suddenly for everyone. Additionally I hit my elbow.. now it is blue, scratched and hurting. Not that I wouldn’t get scratches and cuts every day, but today’s one is really, really hurting.

But morning was ok. We went to Ainaptich school. The same place where we had our football training. There is quite big sporting field and of course they said that sport is very important there.

Later we went to town where we wandered in shops. I found really colourful Maasai shirt. I should buy it (in case money doesn’t end critically). Then we were shown a place behind one cyber where we could mix the music. Love and I will certainly go back there. But actually to internet we went to other cyber, where if you stay for an hour, then you have to pay only half the price. Finally I got to use msn, but sadly there weren't anyone to talk with. Ok.. Liisi was online, but she also talked as little as always.

Afternoon we went to the Eldoret Sports Club, but as I didn’t had sportswear with me, then this time I didn't play. But actually it was good, as that's when I suddenly got diarrhea. Evening has now passed with tiredness, bad mood and though Helen gave me some pills, I still have to suffer restless stomach. I didn’t dare to eat much, but I did myself bread with fried egg and peppermint tea. These should help my stomach to get better.

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Today we had lots of hassling with the money. We tried to get some bills settled. Mariann still owes me 1500/-. Justas paid his K back. Again I had to lend some cash to Ariko and with him is this problem that he just may forget. Probably I also lend 1000 for Kate that she could go for training to Nairobi next week. Well, it’s not sure yet, because maybe Wesley won’t allow her to go. In 13^th February will be some kind of DJ contest-party here in Eldoret, where we surely want to go. I hope if Kate goes to Nairobi, then she will be back for this night.

Money thing is still one of the most important here. Although everything is cheap, money just goes to the nothingness. Time is resource we have a lot. Even the workdays go by mostly drinking chai and walking around, but I already feel some money problems.

No mis siis teha kui igal hetkel hitti ei tule

Täna on meil siin paljudel kõhuga probleeme. Ei tea, mida paha me söönud oleme. Kõikidel algas väga järsku. Peale selle suutsin küünarnuki katki, siniseks ja valutavaks lüüa. Mitte, et igasuguseid kriimustusi enamvähem iga päev ette ei tuleks, aga tänane oli eriti valus.

Aga hommik oli normaalne. Käisime Ainaptichi koolis. Seal samas toimus meil ka jalgpalli treening matš. Üpris suur spordi ala on seal ja meile öeldi ka muidugi, et selles koolis on neil sport kõrgel kohal.

Hiljem läksime linna, kus veidi poodides ringi käisime. Leidsin väga värvilise Maasai särgi, mille peaks kunagi ära ostma (muidugi juhul kui raha kriitiliselt otsa ei saa). Seejärel näidati meile ühe internetipunkti taga kohta, kus muusikat saab miksida. Me Lovega läheme kindlalt sinna veel tagasi. Internetti läksime aga teise kohta, kus kui tund aega olla läheb hind poole väiksemaks. Lõpuks sain MSN’i ka, aga kahjuks polnud kellegagi rääkida. Liisi küll oli online, aga nagu ikka kirjutab ta vähe.

Õhtupoole läksime spordiklubisse, aga kuna mul polnud vastavaid riideid kaasas, siis ma jalgpallist seekord osa ei võtnud. Hea oli ka, sest just selle ajal mul järsku kõhulahtisus tekkiski. Õhtu on nüüd väsimust, halba tuju ja hoolimata Heleni antud tablettidele ka mäslevat kõhtu kannatades möödunud. Caroline’i tehtud toitu ei julenud eriti süüa, aga tegin endale praemunaga saia ja piparmünditeed. Need peaks paranemisele kaasa aitama.

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Täna oli hulganisti rahadega tegelemist. Üritasime arveid sirgemaks ajada. Mariann on mulle ikka 1500/- võlgu. Justas maksis oma tonni tagasi. Taaskord pidin ma Arikole võlgu andma ja temaga on see oht, et ta lihtsalt ära unustab. Lisaks kavatsen ma Kate’le tuhande kanti võlgu, et ta saaks järgmine nädal Nairobisse treeningule minna. See küll ei ole veel kindel, sest Wesley võib tal selle lihtsalt ära keelata. 13. veebruaril tuleb siin mingi DJ-de võistluspidu, kuhu me kindlasti minna kavatseme. Ma loodan, et selleks õhtuks Kate ikka tagasi jõuab.

Raha teema on siin ikkagi üks tähtsamaid ja hullemaid kuigi peaaegu kõik on odav. Aega on meil hulganisti. Tööpäevadki mööduvad peamiselt chaid juues ja ringi jalutades, aga raha teeb juba muret.

Red, red wine and no woman, no cry

I haven't yet posted anything in may. It is mostly because I have started feeling that it is weird to write about things that are many months old and also felt wrong to write something new having blank for some past months. Still, today I felt the need to write about current situation. I can even forget about some things in my notebook written about me and Kate. This thing is now quite surely ended. I have worst days here. I cried today in the morning as I really fell in love with her more than to anyone ever before. In Estonia I thought that I was in love, but now I see, that it wasn't anything compared to this. For many years I saw this girl every day, I was so close to her, and yet I didn't do anything. I never told her about my feelings. And now I didn't care even about the facts that me and Kate are from countries so far from eachother. I didn't care that coming back to Kenya and living here would be very hard for me (and I still want to come back here and build a house for myself). All the time there is thought that I just can't be without her. I went crazy from love but something was still greater than love. I even don't know what, as Kate won't talk. I just know that she was limited by something.. she was afraid. I still believe that she really felt something for me too, but something came between us. It is really hard to accept that I have lost her. So now I'm drinking red wine and trying to avoid sadness. I don't know what to do now. I need another girl, but I'm afraid that then I always think that she is just a substitute to Catherine and I would feel bad. All the time I hope that she would come back.

It is quite ironical actually that when I left Estonia I had a mission in my mind to seduce an African girl and then later leave her but now everything is other way around. I had no idea that I even could fell in love so deeply. I thought that my mind is too realistic for that and my heart too cold, but now I'm like crazy. I just couldn't accept that everything is over. There is only hole in my soul. And in the future I will sometimes remember and feel the sadness for what could have been. I really don't understand why everything went that way. I wanna know the reasons. And for remaining two months I probably stay hoping for something and therefore feel the grief.