Fuckin' Åruküla

Look also for the motionpicture "Fuckin' Åmal" - this movie if i remember right, is made by danish,.. who are somewhat like estonians, little too much stuck in their ordinary simple life.

Much like Åmal, fuckin' Aruküla where i live, is also a little provincial settlement where old people have forgotten the joys of life or these joys are rather superficial and make even themself sometimes question, what life THIS is. This is mostly because with their years, they have come to conclusion that there is only one way to live.. and that is by doing what society expects them to do.. having traditional family with at least two, even better with three kids, work hard, have dreams of even better house and newer car, then take bank loans for the last ones, watch TV, read newspapers and wonder why youth is so fucked up this time. Young in the contrary, wants to live their life differently than what they see as the degradation of their parents generation. They want to experience everything,.. but soon they find themselves in fight against the parents. With all that trouble and grieving what rises from this war, most now lose their positive views of life.. they start to drink, use drugs, hang around in gangs and do hooligan things. When time passes, they find out that there's only one way to live (without harming yourself and being opposed to others).. and that is by doing what society expects them to do..

I'm 26.. and i still live with my parents. I don't have permanent job and i don't have a girlfriend. My buds here at Aruküla too, drink, do drugs and just waste their time.. my buds at Tallinn are tending to be commited to relationships and work, could say that they have found, there's only one way to live.

I don't like to be only piece in the industrial or commercial capitalistic world that is already soo overcooked.. but what can i do then, world is nowdays so uniformly living this one way. I don't wanna have certain dayplan, i don't like to work so that i have to call someone boss and therfore admit my inferiority to him, i don't like to be oblidged to have bankloan for half of my life, i don't want to vote on the elections for the same fucking politicians who don't actually change anything. I don't wanna have more than one kid, cuz that would make world population even bigger, which in turn would make living conditions even more dire. Also i don't want to drink my problems away and i don't want to fight. I want to do my art, feel the freedom, enjoy the beauty of the nature and love of natural warm soul of people.

I just made a comix (when i do little digital fixes to it, i publish it here too). It is about the same situation.. how traditions of society and attitudes of majority of people, make some of us endangered species,.. force us to migrate to the edge of the world, only to wait, when does this self-eating civilization arrive there too.

Stop thinking, and end your problems

Lao Tzu (Old Master) Chinese Taoist Philosopher

c. 600 BCE

So i try just to be doing as less i can,.. fight the busy world with just letting everything go past me. I sacrifice comfort things, i sacrifice even relationships. Some have asked me, why i dont have girlfriend. That is because not many are willing to live as i. I love too, in fact i even have a secret crush,.. but i can't force anyone other into forsaking the life that's so ordinary.. everyone has to do that step by themselves. That's why i shouldn't say my love out. What is hardest, is having a life where i'm not a burden to world nor to people, life alongside the people but still differently. I don't wanna be eremite, i hope to live with others, and hopefully to teach the alternate way that comes through unconditional love, stronger symbiosis between soul and senses, having feeling of harmony and respect, simplicity and modesty in the concept of wanting to have and achieve.
Because i'm not fighting against, but rather fighting for, i don't blame anything or anyone. Never blame the blind for not seeing. We must help to see, help to change. We shouldn't even whine for what is wrong or what could have been.. we should try to find what can be done better and act do achieve it. And above all, we should hold open mind to see the different views and even our own errors.