Followed by translation to Estonian.
10.02.2010
When we had on arrival trainings, then at one evening there was proper welcoming party organized for us. We singed and danced local traditional songs. And biggest part was giving flowers to everyone. To each European, one local was assigned to give over the bouquet. For me of course it was set Kate. They already almost have wed us.. it seems. And although I don't know exactly what that song meant that they singed at the time when she gave me flowers (because at the time of giving over the flowers, others singed different song every time.. usually somehow connected with the person), but even this seemed to hint to something. At the end of this evening we kissed publically.
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But last days I have had second thoughts again. I like Kate, but actually first I got interested of Sarah, and sometimes I feel that I like her more. I feel that maybe I’m fooling myself and Kate. Yes, also Kate is super beautiful, but still, I’d have to say that I don’t feel quite right with her. When I hold around her, when I kiss her, yes of course I feel good then, but then again, it seems just like relieving my desires. At the same time, when we look for some time into each others eyes with Sarah, then it feels much more special. And now, Sarah’s statement that she and Carlos are just friends, brought these questions to my mind again. But actually, for me it seems still that there is more between them.
Although by the outlook Sarah creates more interest in me, I could say that they are equally beautiful. But they have very different personalities and characteristics. Sarah is quite silent and more generally silent natured, but very caring and sweet. She often smiles her very beautiful smile. From time to time, she can also be playful. But sometimes she seems worried and she closes into herself. And she knows well how to flirt.
Kate is more energetic and impulsive and has quite true African temperament (that actually isn’t bad at all), but she for example usually don't search for closeness herself. I can’t really say that she is sweet and caring like Sarah, but at the same time she seems more straightforward. Then again, that kind of straightness makes her sometimes less interesting.
Should I be contempt with what I have or is it wrong not to listen my own heart? Today, even though Kate was right there beside us, Sarah and I just stared each other. It is almost unbearable.
Kate ja Sarah
Kui meil olid saabumisjärgsed treeningud, siis ühe päeva õhtul korraldati meile korralik tervitus pidu. Me laulsime ja tantsisime kohalikke traditsioonilisi laule. Ja suurim osa oli igale ühele lillekimbu üle andmine. Igale eurooplasele pidi üks kohalikest lilled üle andma. Mulle loomulikult määrati Kate. Nad on siin meid põhimõtteliselt juba paari pannud. Ja kuigi ma ei tea, mida see laul tähendas, mida nad sel ajal laulsid (sest iga kord kui kellelegi lilli üle anti, laulsid teised erinevaid laule.. ja tavaliselt olid need laulud kuidagi selle isikuga seotud), aga isegi see tundus millelegi vihjavat. Selle õhtu lõpul me suudlesimegi Kate’ga täiesti avalikult.
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Aga viimastel päevadel on mul jälle kahtlusi tekkinud. Mulle meeldib Kate, aga tegelikult ennem huvitusin ma Sarah’st, ja vahel on tunne, et tema meeldib mulle isegi rohkem. Ma mõtlen, et äkki ma lollitan nii Kate'i kui ka iseennast.
Jah, muidugi ka Kate on super ilus, aga siiski ei ole mul päris õiget tunnet. Kui ma tema ümbert kinni hoian või teda suudlen, siis muidugi tunnen ma ennast hästi, aga samas tundub see vaid tühja ihade rahuldamisena. Samas kui me Sarah’ga mõnda aega üksteise silmadesse vaatame, siis selles on midagi erilisemat. Sellised küsimused tõi mu pähe uuesti Sarah väide, et tema ja Carlos on vaid sõbrad. Siiski, minul on küll enamus ajast tunne, et nende vahel on midagi enamat.
Although by the outlook Sarah creates more interest in me, I could say that they are equally beautiful. But they have very different personalities and characteristics. Sarah is quite silent and more generally silent natured, but very caring and sweet. She often smiles her very beautiful smile. From time to time, she can also be playful. But sometimes she seems worried and she closes into herself. And she knows well how to flirt.
Kate is more energetic and impulsive and has quite true African temperament (that actually isn’t bad at all), but she for example usually don't search for closeness herself. I can’t really say that she is sweet and caring like Sarah, but at the same time she seems more straightforward. Then again, that kind of straightness makes her sometimes less interesting.
Should I be contempt with what I have or is it wrong not to listen my own heart? Today, even though Kate was right there beside us, Sarah and I just stared each other. It is almost unbearable.
Kuigi ka välimuse poolest tundub Sarah mulle huviäratavam, võin ma öelda, et nad on võrdselt ilusad. Aga neil on väga erinevad iseloomud ja omadused. Sarah on üpris vaikne ja tagasihoidlik, aga väga hooliv ja nummi. Tema naeratus, mida ta tihti näitab, on uskumatu. Vahel on ta ka mänguline, aga teisel ajal võib ta muretsev ja endasse tõmbunud näida. Ja ta oskab flirtida.
Kate on rohkem energilisem ja impulsiivsem ja ta on küllaltki tõelise Aafrika temperamendi esindaja (mis muidugi üldsegi mitte halb ei ole), aga tema näiteks ise eriti lähedust ei otsi. Ma ei saa öelda, et tema niimoodi hooliv ja nummi oleks nagu Sarah, samas aga tundub ta otsekohesem ja ausam. See otsekohesus aga samuti muudab ta vahel igavamaks.
Kas ma peaksin rahul olema sellega, mis mul juba olemas on, või on vale oma südame häält mitte kuulda võtta. Täna isegi, kuigi Kate oli samas meie kõrval, vahtisime Sarah'ga eriti pikalt üksteist. See on tõeliselt väljakannatamatu.
2 comments:
hi, new to the site, thanks.
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