Remember, remember the 2009 november

Some things we do are not worthy of even our own time, yet some things are so important that we would need time and power of others too.

Like I said in the last post, I got for a change to do a day of real job. Other than that I have lately only made few ordered paintings, book illustrations for Kudrun and other such things.

So Taavi (or Dave, however you would like) to Lasnamäe Childrens Daycare Center to carry out the sculpture workshop. Taavi has worked there from the end of summer, and well, Taavi thinks I'm kind of best at sculpture. Also in this center other teachers introduced me like well-known professional sculptor. It was little bit funny.

Basically this Childrens Daycare Center is place where kids from problematic families (for example from poorer families, or from those ones where parents are not the best rolemodels yet not bad enough to take kids away from them) are directed by psychologists and/or social workers. No this is not the place like orphanage where children live. It's just that after school they can come there to play with others, take part of different workshops and things. There they can also get a proper hot meal and if needed they get help with their schoolwork. Also unlike ordinary youth centers, here every kid has a folder and they are monitored and analyzed. Pretty good thing.. I saw how some of these kids had some problems (low self esteem or critically changing moods that often went to melancholy or one boy was really closed and like in his own world somewhere) that without proper attention could end with very bad consequences or at least with children growing up pretty much as some loser and going after their parents footsteps (probably not good in most of these cases).

So we did this day all kinds of animals and fantasy creatures from the clay. We tried to make them to turn more attention and care for their works, as mostly kids just take a piece of clay , then other, then other and put these all together.. and soon they say: "Look I have a kitty done". And you can't really say nothing. Not that it isn't completed. Neither that it really doesn't look like a proper kitten. Of course some still did that but by well explaining how sculptures are actually done, telling the faults that can not be done or their animals can not be burned in the owen, and of course I also took couple of my own works so they can be well inspired to take it seriously and make something beautiful. Though, Taavi said that they were pretty well interested, and yes, some (especially some boys) took time to peacefully make their visions true. Many of them finally had nice and well complex figurines.

Taavi gave me a little money too, and certainly it is good for me, but I think I would have went there even without payment. In addition I was given a box of really good Estonian candies, of what of course I gave some half to the children, as I just can't hold such happiness to myself. Only thing for what I felt bad was that unfortunately I couldn't speak with Russians without translation of others (and there almost half of the kids were Russians). Although these kids had problems either at home or in school, they were most warm-hearted, kind and tolerant.

It was fun and after that I went to visit Liisi that further made my mood better. She made me pancakes and tea ;)

Writing this took really long time, as little feedback had lowered my inspiration to write here.. hint, hint.. write me lots of stuff here! And of course, lately I have got big plans and therefore I have been busy to make these true. Busy have I been also because I must pretty quickly finish the illustrations for this book. Only three more to do. So, all for this time. I don't know if I write this political thing I too promised last time.. but why not.. it isn't some serious political argumentation, nor ordinary whining, but a funny page in the style of what to do if...

So I hope to get lots of feedback, if anyone is reading this at all. See ya!

Tarbatu (Tartu) and back

A week ago or so, Tartu had autumn days - a week full of different stuff, entertaining, educational, useful, etc. Who doesn't remember, then Tartu is this biggest small city in Estonia.. pretty nice place. In that time there was also party named Maailmamustrid (Patterns of the World), where Kudrun's boyfriend Martin is DJ. Maailmamustrid is actually the series of parties for people interested of different cultures of the world. This time also Bombillas, a gifted reggae and dub band made a gig there. Martin even tried to get me to play music there (I have not probably wrote here, but I'm beginner DJ too), but this time I didn't dare yet.. but perhaps in a next one or one after that. Because Kudrun and Martin have a tiny little babyboy now, Kudrun sadly couldn't come to the party. She said that she herself too would like some time for her own and some recreation, but whatcha gonna do. And I would be happy to dance with her. Now I danced alone. Just didn't seem so good idea to ask someone random to dance at Tartu. For some reason so many of the girls seemed to be somewhat reserved in their nature. But maybe this was only my paranoia.

Actually, now I got too far ahead with the story. Rewind selecta! I start again with how I hitchhiked to Tartu. Weather is already cold, not at all perfect for hitching a ride. I had gloves on hands but still. On the Tartu highway I exchanged some words with a teenage girl who tried to get the ride to Viljandi.. and soon, gone she was, and can't say that it took me long either. A nice, intelligent looking and quite young woman, who had much to talk with me about theater and art, picked me up. Straight ride to Tartu.. perfect.

As soon as I got to Tartu, I went to Gerli's place. Now she lives in a new place, and as I still don't know Tartu entirely, I thought it would be pretty hard to find it, but I accidentally stumbled to the right place. This is my kind of luck. With Gerli and her flatmate (about whom I long ago suspected that he is now Gerli's boyfriend. Now it's certain. They seem to fit well, but still it made me feel somewhat uncomfortable to stay there) we watched one really beautiful (both in visual and by story) anime "5 centimeters per second" (the average speed of the falling cherryblossom), that in many ways almost as would have talked about me. Well not the main plot entirely, but still, many scenes and storylines reminded me things. After that Gerli had to go to library to do some assignment for university, and I went to check out Kudrun's littleguy.

Kaspar (the name of their son) sleeped in absolute peace, but Martin of course had to demonstarte him to me, and waked him up just like that. Kaspar was hasty to get to this world, so he was born a month ahead in normal time. By the way, sometime I and him, we must speak about that, as because of him I could not see Kudrun with big belly ;) So, at the time of my visit he really should had right time for birth, and I don't know if just my memory doesn't serve me well, or was he really smallest baby I have seen. At least I don't remember that I had seen my sisters as so small and with such look that couldn't yet grasp the surroundings. Kudrun said that this is same with every baby, so it is probably just because I don't remember things that I saw last time over eightteen years ago. And, his skin was yellowish that was supposed to be usual for pretime babies. But actually I think that Kaspar was really cute and beautiful baby. I even got to hold him and Kudrun then wanted to take photos of us. When just sitting in my lap he was peacful, but when Kudrun wanted to take pictures, Kaspar started to cry.. so in photos we are not very pretty. I don't know, Kudrun for some reason said to me that I have a good effect to distracted moms, animals and little children. First one is probably true, as who could resist my charm :) and also the second came true, as when we watched this animation, Gerli's cat find a good place on my tummy, put his head under my jacket and had a good nap. But at least for me it seemed that Kaspar was not so thrilled about extra attention.

After some time I went back to Gerli's place where we had some wine before going to the party. Party itself was really great, but I felt as stranger there. At first I thought that probably I like DJ played things more, but actually Bombillas surprised me more than I believed. They created good energy. But after that Gerli and that guy (yeah.. like I would remember his name) went to home.. and after an hour or so I followed. After all, I was pretty tired this day, and because the problems with sleeping this night too (stranger place and all.. not to mention the refridgerator that periodically loudly buzzed), the next day wasn't much better. At least then I was equal companion for Kudrun who had not had good sleep for long too.

Next day we walked outside. Kaspar sleeped well in the pushcart. We visited the exhibition of my former graphics teacher. And suddenly I got used to with Tartu.. suddenly I felt that I like there, although mostly I have prefered more bigger and more energetic Tallinn. Kudrun even showed me one house and said that it would be so cool if I'd live there. And yes.. sometimes I too think that it would be perfect to live in Tartu. I have some friends there whom I love. But then again, I have such people in Tallinn too. So I'm split to love both Tallinn and Tartu. I wonder what happens when I go to travelling around the world.. leaving constantly behind people I have grown to love.. yet already now, I feel like I have no one and right home, but only option is to make the entire world my home and my people.

For a little while we went again to Kudrun's and Martin's and Kaspar's place.. so that I could get some warmth before going back to Tallinn. I get to try out Martin's DJ console and discplayers, and Kudrun got herself private party. It was really hard to leave, although I was already waited in Tallinn. I was invited to Liisi's housewarming party, and of course I went there even though I craved for shower, own home food and own bed.

Yeah, not only was hard to leave my dear friends, even weather was not so good for travelling anymore. As soon as I got out, a light rain started. When last day even sun and patches of blue sky were ocacsionally seen and cold was not too bad, then now suddenly such a bad weather. Perhaps I'm one of those whose moods cause the weather changes :p On the border of Tartu I united with another hitchhiker and luckily again pretty soon we got a ride. Yet this time we weren't so lucky to get straight to Tallinn, and as on the road rain got more and more harder, we were really worried. But of course for brave adventurers like we are, weather had even more surprises for us. Soon rain turned to heavy snowfall, and all the land was quickly covered with white carpet. I had worried that soon it is too dark to hitch, but landscape had suddenly turned to absolute pure white. And although it was beautiful, it was much colder now than just hour or so ago. And of course, heavy snowfall made visibility harder for drivers, so more dangerous for us.. and more harder to get a ride too. Then I called to Liisi, to say that probably I will be late, and to ask how is the weather in Tallinn. She said that in Tallinn it rains a little bit, for what I answered that it is relatively good then. Yet over our hopes we got another ride to Tallinn I guess in less than 15 minuts. Again very nice young women with whom it was interesting to talk about various things. On the half way from there to Tallinn it again started to rain and when we finally arrived at Tallinn, normal rain had already turned to weaker kind of storm with heavy rainfall and strong wind, both really cold. This lady was so kind and caring that she offered to take us both to where we needed to go, but we felt that this would be already too great comfort. So we decided as a compromise that she drives to one location where we both have not a very long way to go. Though I'm sure this woman doesn't find this writing here I am really grateful to her. And actually I'd use this possibility to thank here everyone who gives a ride to hitchhikers.

Five minuts going through the violent weather felt like much longer, but at least when I got to Liisi's new appartment, there were warm rooms, warm hearts of people and hot pancakes with tea greeting me. I wouldn't write much about that night and the next day, just as it was normal appartment sitting, and simple nice time there. One thing though. I got acquinted with one guy from Greece, and if I get with my things so far that I can go to my trip to India, then maybe I do another "little" excursion through Greece too. For a fact Greece is pretty much the most inviting Mediterranean country for me.. or at least one of these most inviting. Or maybe I would do just a Greece trip first.. of course through Austria. But then again, when already in Greece.. then why not to go straight to India.. and when in India, why not to go further.. to Thailand, to Japan.. why ever stop?

One more thing about the baby theme. Another of my really early friend, Piia is visiting Estonia with her little daughter. For a two years at least I had not seen her, and of course never seen a little Lola. So I visited them too today. Piia was great as always, and Lola was very lively nine month old girl. And I think we got along pretty well. So maybe Kudrun was right after all.. Kaspar just has to grow a little and get used to with the world and being alive. Then we can start learning how to kick a ball and do some other fun things :D

Tomorrow or some day soon I should write how yesterday I did a little bit work for a change.. with kids of course. Or can I say it was work just because I got paid for it.. as it actually was also pure fun, and the mission for me. And I should write a little about the politics in Estonia too.. as it is hot theme right now.

Click on the image for full size. Love and strength to you all!

Wild and wicked west

I wrote a shortstory last night. But before that few comments about it. It is dedicated to everyone to whom I have been cruel or intolerant. Though I fight to my death against smokers, it is even to them. It's to the gays to whom I once were really intolerant. Its to my family for many things I shouldn't have done or said. If you ever feel that I have somehow harmed you, then it is for you. And of course it is for everyone for just a good surreal reading experience.

So.. at the wild and wicked west..

When Blue Bear walked into the saloon, all eyes turned to him. Paleface Jimmie was then facing the bar and turned around too. Slowly. He watched the Bear and Bear stared him back. Stared right into his eyes so sharply that the gaze drilled the small hole through Jimmie's head, and even the last bit of wisdom he had remaining, escaped out from there. Jimmie was calm. Yet all other men also saw how confident and brave were the buttony black eyes of the Blue Bear.

After a moment standing at the saloon door that was needed for Bear's eyes to get used with the darknes of the room, and to find Jimmie among all men, and the moment of these uncomfortable stares, he walked straight to bartable next to the man. He asked bartender to bring two whiskies. With unexpected quick move he turned to Jimmie. The move that made his shiny and well-cut hair to wave, caused an amazement among not only bargirls, but also of many men. "Surely the work of an proffessional barber, and not a cheap one at all; just look how fleecy it is;" and "his hairstylist must be a gay," were few of many comments they made. But Jimmie didn't care. Jimmie had always hated both gays and Blue Bear. And so far Blue Bear had been a furious opponent. Jimmie had never failed so many attempts to kill somebody. But now, Blue Bear wanted a truce.

"I have something for you," Bear said and reached under his furry coat. Some Jimmie's gunslingers were already on the line of taking Bear down, when they saw it was only a peacepipe he took out. Blue Bear now ordered some tobacco too. Expensive one.

"So what is it gonna be?" He asked, "Will you take my peace offering? The violence will only do harm for both of us and to the innocent bystanders. Surely we both have other more important things to do than trying to skin eachother. It would be most wise to end this ill blood.

Jimmie was silent and didn't move a muscle. He was a proud man. Blue Bear made an hard step closer. Now he was so close that he could easily bite off Jimmie's head. Jimmie's face turned from normal to even more pale, but who would have boldness to say he was afraid. Not me anyway, and of course none of the people in the saloon even noticed this.

"We both love tobacco," Blue Bear continued forcing the pipe to the mouth of Jimmie, "so lets have a few coughs and take some time to think about it reasonably.. ok?!"

Although all the smoke came out from the hole in back of Jimmie's head, it was clear it was a good stuff, as it looked like he would already be trippin' in the another world. Bear wasn't cheap when trying to negotiate. And no-one could resist such lavish gifts. Strong new scent spread around the hall. Everyone were almost melted in anticipation. As soon as barman found a fitting bottlecap for the hole in the head, Paleface Jimmie too found the peace. Peace with all the world, with Blue Bear, with sherif, and Billy, his naighbour who had just angered him by stealing some cattle under his guard. And he even made peace with the freaky gay hairstylists.

Vanity, my favourite sin

F L O W

Last night I came to conclusion why my jobinterviews may be so unsuccessful. My own personality is my enemy here. My friends know that I'm such person whose emotions are not overflowing at first sight (well, some extreme situations not counted). I actually feel really strong emotions and generally I'm very positive, energetic and open type, but on some half hour to hour time it just may not be seen. A person who gets to know me better just at some point sees what material I'm made of. With certain people it may take really long time.

So, it may seem to interviewer that I'm not very enthusiastic, but here he/she is wrong. Like with happiness, sadness, anger, love, disappointment, etc, my body and face may not give it out so clearly (especially in such strict conditions like an interview), but actually I absolutely radiate it. My feelings are just so strong or clear and concentrated that people aren't used to see it so. It is like searching for a star and not seeing it because you are blinded from looking straight into the sun.

In normal circumstances people probably would think that I'm an introvert, but I think that it is wrong image about me. For example I'm very social, and although I hold many things to know only for myself. And in some sense I may be not very talkative, but these things are simply so because I just don't feel the reason to speak all the time, to be some smiling energyball or raging evil when I'm angry. My outside is mostly quite tranquil but inside is having strong feelings that flow outside as aura of energy. In that sence I'm similar to these buddhist monks who always have a slight smile but it is hard to understand if they feel anything. But they do - they are in harmony with world.. they feel sad, when something bad happens, and they feel happiness and gratefulness for living, etc. People are right when they think that I'm absolutely different, that I can not be classified as any kind - introvert, extravert, stoic, lively, secretive, open, etc.. I'm like all of that in one personality.

Therefore, I don't know what to do to be more readable in some certain situations where needed. How should I practice it. I think, last time when I met Gerli, I think even she was bit disapointed. Although I wasn't completely stoic, in contrary I was lively and happy and it was easily seen, but for her it still may have seemed like I wasn't glad to see her (well, I don't know it, but it seemed to me so). With my friends it IS hardest to socialize with her, as she haven't still got to understand me at all, and I don't understand her completely either. Oh well,.. not everyone will see the hidden world and it is quite impossible to help them. Oh I hope that humanrace shall develop somekind telepathical abilities in the future, because words are so limited.

Lets start the change!

We, people of today, consume too much, and therefore produce too much waste also. This is bad for the world, for the economy and for ourselves too. Watch that video.. it is really good!

http://www.storyofstuff.com/

Think about, what can you do to change your livingstyle already today!

..And of course I didn't fall for any latvian speaking girl.. whooh!

Oh.. I was supposed to add some photos from Latvia here. Maybe I shouldn't, as it takes away all the imagination you had about that place.. and possibly you may be dissapointed, as in my description everything may have been more beautiful. Well, but I didn't get many good photos anyway, so I still upload these few. The second time there was this cloudy weather (at least most of the time), and feeling was more off because of that, making much of that previous excitement disappear. As I have said in countless times, I work on solar power.

I went to Gauijena (yes it was i and then j.. I made mistake in the last post) in the previous eavning before the day our scenes were filmed. Man who drove us there was that day already on a second "to Estonia and back to Latvia" trip, and as waking for everyone in this filmcrew is early in the morning and we were supposed to get to Latvia around the midnight, he was pretty darn tired. In the same carride with me and another "looniecase" was one of the Estonian well known Actors - Elle Kull. She was quite talkative anyway, but when we saw that our driver is really really so tired that may just fall asleep behind the wheel, she simply didn't dare to shut her mouth. Fortunately we made it. Naturally I didn't feel any urge to go to sleep when we got to Gauijena. So I stayed up with few others almost half that night. It was good company with little drinks, fun and music. And even next morning wasn't so hard to wake up, but some time at midday it was my turn to feel overpowering tiredness. And again, although I don't like to drink coffee, I drinked it so much that later when we were driving back to Estonia I didn't feel really well.

Oh yes, I forgot to mention that I had somekind of misundersatanding when I was asked to be one of the actors there. I thought that it will be some commercial, but it was another weird Estonian movie. But it wouldn't had mattered anyway.. I would have agreed to act in anything, i guess. To me it seemed that writers/producers of it wanted to show us "insane" more normal than any other character there.

I had read only part of the script, and I pretty much only know that it is again such a slowpaced and hardly understandable thing with some surreal feeling. Main character is a man who has been in Afganistan for some time and become an muslim there and now is back in home country where he is suddenly drawed into weird events. There was a nudist theater/circus and a drowned man, and hearse driver who looked like Michael Jackson.. and of course the asylum with us.. normal people and crazy doctors. Anyway, like I said, I don't really know much anything about it and have to wait for the premiere like any other to be sure what it exactly was. Name is "Kirjad Inglile" (Letters to the Angel).

I guess I "forgot" to say in how bad shape these great manorhouses actually were.. only this place where we stayed, was in OK condition. And nature was still beautiful. Really better than it may seem from these photos.





Grrr.. I hate this blogger photo resizing.. I don't know.. if you click on the photos, will it be possible to see bigger pics.

No photos of me :p

Born to be wild!

Friday morning, waking up early. I haven't woked up 6 o'clock for.. ages. Shower, eating and before the eight I was already on a train to Tallinn. But this WAS the hardest part of the day. Then 4 hours nice car ride through beautiful Estonia to even more beautiful place in northern Latvia named Gaujiena. The "hard work" of rest of the day was to endure the strong sunlight and warmth, and to watch the filming of others, as our scenes were delayed and finally completely set for the next day.

Yeah, after many-many years, I am finally again acting. This time not in theatre but in a movie. And acting is much more for my liking and also much easier for me than is the job of movie director.. or any other job in that matter. I really like acting.. it's absolute fun. And it doesn't matter how much cash I get from it,.. I can travel freely,.. it is the active and interesting life without the need of money, in a company of other very nice people. Well, this time I got only small part. I was one of the patients in the asylum. Other "patients" were really cool people too. This woman who picked us as actors, said after many of our crazy jokes that if she has not turned crazy herself before, then our posse will surely do that (this was said in the best meaning as she really was entirely happy with us).

By the way, I already said that the place where the movie takes place is beautiful, but it is actually just mindblowing. Behind the ten hills and valleys, over the ten rivers, lies a fairytaleland. The so said asylum is actually a schoolhouse that resides in the old manorhouse. I must say that german landlords in Latvia were more richer or just wanted to show more of their power than the Estonian counterparts.. manor consisted at least three big houses with columned entrances, many smaller houses, great parks, and the place where we stayed overnight (about that later). The "asylum" was the mainhouse on the hill. In the valley below was the small lake (one of many around), and still in the middle of it a small island. The lake was also the important place in a movie. Nature was beautiful, weather was perfect, butterflies and dragonflies who were bigger than any I have seen ever before landed peacefully on the hand. I counted at least three different dragonfly species.

Oh, and you can't imagine the palace where we were housed. Probably this was the latest addition to manor as summer residence or something. A historicistic house somewhat reminding these cool english houses with little tower, unsymmetrical planning, great entrance hall, etc. Yep the entrance hall was greatest as it went through two floors and ended with dome of glass mosaic. Around it went the stairs up. First floor had marble pillars, second one the wooden. But the glass dome was not seen from the outside as there was also the third half-floor. All this house was filled with different old furniture. Even the view from the window of greater wc on the second floor was priceless, as there was also the park behind the house, then some woods and as it again was on the hill, then in the valley was another lake.

At first I was so sad that I didn't have photocamera with me, but saturday, after our scenes were taken, we were said, that we have to go there once more in a few days. This time I'll lend a camera from my friend.

Estonians know that Latvians have many jokes about us.. mostly about the recless or selfish or perhaps even poshy nature of ours, and Estonians often make jokes about Finnish, Russians and even Germans, but I had not heared any about Latvians.. now I did. And few even quite cruel.

For example: In old times Estonians thought that Latvians are bit weird,.. somewhat different. There was even a rumor that Latvians have six toes. But it figures they still have only five.. three in front and two in behind.

And friday, when we visited a shop there, it happened that after a while only one fairly new car came. Then one of our guys said: "Ah, these are then the wealthier Latvians". And the answer: "Yeah, look, they can even support two kids".

Still, do not think that Estonians are cruel. We just have weird humor.. and often we make it even upon ourselves. That said one more joke. For foreknowledge: Setu is one of the Estonian local populations, who are seen as clever and wise.. their region is even called Setu Kingdom. So the joke is as follows: Setu and a Jew is going court. What is the verdict? Prosecutor gets five years!

Well.. just can't stop with joking, but the next one was situational in front of that same shop. One of our cars needed the change of left rear tire. It not only showed how many men are needed to change one (Full pit), it still took so long that our car driver started explaining how everything in the world is normally done from the right side - cow is milked from the right, operations that are done through the nostril is done from right,.. sa perhaps they should have changed the tire too from the right side.

Only thing there that troubles me is that we get somewhat too little to eat. Stew is limited and when there is many actors and filmcrew then it is doubtable if I can request more. Anyway, if I'd eat so little in home, then probably I would soon be translucent. Too little meat stuff. Well at least saturday morning there were different porridges and enough of that, so I carried through the second day.

And finally at the saturday afternoon it was our turn to "go crazy". Director was happy with us, and so was the woman who organized us there. And one more time,.. it was lots of fun. Only really bad thing was that I hurt one of my fingers when playing rugby :P

One of other actors even would have offered me a part in theater play they are soon starting to do if I only would have been from Tartu (biggest small city in South-Estonia). Damn, I have so many friends in Tartu, and I really would like to move there.

So.. soon back to Latvia.. and then I bring some photos back with me.

As I alredy wrote I didn't go to Viljandi Folk

..but then again I was at the Viru Folk, that is less known. Don't even know if it is smaller anymore, but anyway, it is held at the smaller place - Käsmu. Käsmu is a beautiful village on the north coast of Estonia. Absolutely perfect place for such a festival. And as one of my relatives (I normally call him oncle) has a seamuseum there, and as I haven't been really anywhere this summer, haven't even got into the water yet, I decided that it would be good to go there and relax from the ordinary life at home.

Of course I went to Käsmu by hichhiking. Although I could have tried to go straight by smaller roads, I chose to go way round by Tallinn. I knew that hitching a car at the outskirts of Tallinn would be easier (but how easy that was.. about that soon). And I wanted to buy shorts and somekind of lightcoloured summer shirt. That's why I did that 50 km's round. First part from Aruküla to Tallinn was ordinary. Then bought needed things, and finaly set my steps to Lasnamäe (outer eastern part of the city). I was already walking the highway, but as still in the city where cars don't stop for hitchhikers, I walked on. Suddenly I heared a signal behind me. No, it wasn't anyone I know. There was a big black Dodge SUV (similar to those what are used in american movies for secret agencies), but from the front window I saw some young people to wave me. So I went by, and I couldn't have been more surprised - they asked if I'm going to Viru Folk. I have got on to car only moments after rising my hand, but it has never happened to me that a car stops before I even get to hitching. Moreover, Madis, Timo and Heili were my prime companions through these three following days. They were really friendly. When we got to Käsmu they even feed me with the salad Heili had made. Timo and Madis had guitars with them, so it was really good time singing with them, and Madis, as a guy who had roots in Saaremaa (that greatest of Estonian islands), had good share of humor too. They even asked me to go to Haapsalu with them a week later (that is today), where is August Blues Festival, but well, as weather is quite rainy and my cash is also getting out, and I still have six drawings to do for Kudrun, I will pass that.

These three days were perfect. All the people there was so friendly, and all the time it seemed that like we would have all the time in the world. I even didn't have to buy tickets to concerts as my uncle gave me the pass for the entire festival. So I got to see and hear much more good bands and musicians than I hoped. I even had lost hope to get to Kirtana Rasa's concert (one of my favourites and one of the prime reasons I even wanted to go there in the first place), as it was one of the few taking place indoors (and in the quite small hall too), and therefore only those who had the day or entire festival pass, get there. Again, lucky me! Kirtana Rasa was absolutely magical.. in both literaly, as some of their music is Indian raagas, which have healing and other powers.. and magical as these were just like fairytales. Their music was so beautiful that it brought shivers on my skin and a little tear into eye.

Another thing that I really wanted to see (and yes this time seeing was absolutely as essential as hearing,.. not that Kirtana Rasa would not have lost some of its magic when I would have just heared it from the CD), was the concert of Ichitaro - a Japanese drummer. It was unbelievable how fast and accurate his movements were. He didn't have a shirt, so every movement was seen in his muscles.. just amazing, not just but.. oh, I don't have words. When the concert ended, I went to personally thank him, meaning I got to use a little of my Japanese language (well I have forgotten most, I even couldn't say what's the clock in Japanese when he asked me that before the start of the concert). Ichitaro has been in Estonia already many summers, and he said that next year he is coming too.. so perhaps for the next year I re-learn it.

To others who don't know.. alittle strange fact. Probably you know how some cultural traits are tending to be present in the places that historically don't have absolutely nothing to do with eachothers. Like how similar are ancient Egypt and Mayans. Same way Estonians and Japanese have amazingly similar nature of people, some culture (for example ancient Japanese houses were more similar to Estonian ones than any of European, Russian or even Scandinavian ones.. for example, I don't remember exactly was it Japanese Emperor or some other important man, who visiting Estonian Open Air Museum where old peasant houses are preserved and old commons are introduced, got tears into his eyes and said that Estonians and Japanese must be somehow related), and Japanese Shinto belief is much closer to our animistic belief of forefathers than the Scandinavian polytheism, and as much as can be compared, Estonian warriors were as proud as Japanese ones,.. and japanese as many as I know, always feel almost like in home in Estonia, they learn our language more quickly than even Russians here, and when I learned japanese, I too felt some weird similarity to Estonian. Ok, that's that.

Back to Folk then. Then there were these nightclub parties in first of which Kudrun's boyfriend Martin was the DJ. Especially his party was total success.. house was filled with dancers, and he too got personal thanks from few, one even got his contacts to call him to some other party to play. I have yet much to learn about DJ work.. soon I go to visit them in Tartu, then I let Martin to give me some pointers.

Second night was somewhat more boring. For some reason, most people was outside on the balcony. Heh.. most time even I (singed with my new friends). Well, for some time I went to dance too, but certainly less than in the previous night.. in the first party I danced all the time. Unlike most others, I don't fear going straight to the dancefloor and dance even alone. I even like so.. I like not to ask a girl to dance.. at least not at once. I like to make girls to desire me first, to lure them to me, to see which one of them is confident enough to get acquinted with me. And that is how it went. At one time I decided to go out to breth some air too, when suddenly one really pretty and energetic girl took from my hand and said: "don't go away". Now she's in my head, and damn.. I don't even remember her name. Only thing I know that she learned German in the same university as me. Ok.. in some sense it is relief that she disappeared, as I still feel that my secret crush is too strong to fall for any other girl.

After the party the sun was rising and at the beach everything seemed perfect (should count how many times I have already used that word). Now it truely felt like time has stopped, because there was not even the slightest windbreeze and therefore also the sea was like mirror. 5 o'clock in the morning I went to swimm and when I got to the tent I still couldn't sleep. So I found that behind the museumhouse, there was really early lecture about the history of Käsmu and the nature around. By the way every morning there were some lectures. Second morning I listened lecture about the swords, the history of Estonian warrior culture, and the alternate cultural aspects and importance of the swords.

Päivä on nuori niin kuin vastasyntynyt. (Raapana - Finnish great reggae wisdom)

(meaning: The day is young as a newborn child)

Still I got few hours sleep on every morning, and although in the evening I had to drink wine with lots of coffe to not to fall asleep (remember, remember this formula; normaly I don't even drink coffee, but coffee and sweet red wine together are really good), I was all the time quite full of energy and good feelings.

Oh, and I met two new relatives.. in both cases in a pretty weird circumstances. No more comments on that. And I ate even raw fish with sour cream, sweet garlic, tomatos and potatoes.. of which the raw fish is normally absolutely off limits for me. So, only thing left undone was the conquering of viking longboat that sailed around the bay there.

Until the next hitchhiking trip!

Love you all!

What makes it tick!

Few days ago Kudrun told me that she saw me in her dream. I was introducing my girlfriend whom I don't actually have. Kudrun said she was a real sweathart and pretty one too with her short curly hair. That made me say that this is quite unlikely. Of course the outlook isn't the only and even not the most important thing about girls, yet I must say that I certainly look more girls with long hair. And moreover.. I'm actually really picky. So I said to Kudrun that I write here everything I can think of my ideal girl, that next time Kudrun may see her in dream. Oh, and Kudrun said that this girl spoke latvian. I guess I must be careful when I go there soon.

Ok, but here's the list of features I would like my girl to have. Take it with little humor.

1. She should have long hair; at least to the shoulders. Although I have liked some blonds too I prefer darker shades from light brown to red (especially natural) to black. And I do like curly hair.

2. She must not smoke.

3. She should be expressive and have positive view of the world.

4. She doesn't have to be so interested of art, but must understand the importance of the culture, and should understand my love for the art.

5. Should have nice slim body and the height aproximately as mine. And I prefer pale skin. Small and tender. Broadly speaking, she should be feminine and act like a lady.

6. Should possess the art of flirting and caressing.

7. Should have good sense of humor.

8. Should have pretty smile and starlight in her eyes (as these are the things I fall first when I see someone).

9. Believes into love and she must be sure that she loves me.

10. She should be intelligent and preferably gone to university.

11. Not too decked (well it means she should have a good sense of taste).

12. Honest and straightforward.

13. It will be a good bonus if she'd have a vivid fantasy.

14. Should have a developed soul.

15. Should not get jealous because of almost nothing.

16. I don't like the lack of depth and affectation.

17. She should be even tempered; certainly not apathic and when in front of problems she should want to seek for solution, not to give up. Should not tend to prejudices.

18. Souldn't be a maniacal organiser.

19. Can't be negligent.. should care about herself, the home and even world around.

20. Shouldn't be too pragmatic.

21. Don't talk lisp with children.

22. Should speak good english, and bonus would be if she would speak french (I really would like if she'd speak some words of love in french to my ear sometimes.. oh, old memories). No need for latvian.

23. Enjoys both peaceful, quiet nights and active social time.

24. Should have some courage.

25. Unlike many men, I prefer small tits with small nipples.

26. Should be openminded and although I like when people have their beliefs, she should also respect my freedom to believe what I believe.

27. Should be tolerant to different people.

28. Should stand for conservation of nature and sparing economy.

29. Should be reverent to both classical and modern (clothing, music, interior design, etc.)

30. TV should not be the prime entertainment.

31. Should understand the concept of teamwork.

32. Drivers licens would be good, but still she should like to walk and ride a bicycle.

33. Understands that I have friends and my own hobbies too; and she should not wait for only me to organise some nice time together with her.

34. There just must be synergy between us.

35. I like freckles ;)

Actually I even know one or two girls who kind of have at least most of these qualities.. and I really like these girls, but don't get exited, even if I have a secret crush for them, it possibly stays so. Although I long for love, I don't think that i'm meant for such relationship. First of all,.. I don't like sex very much (of course I love the beauty of the women, their form of the body, to touch the skin, but simply don't get much from the act of sex).. and what kind of girl would want such a guy, because as I have understood, girl wants that her partner would feel good too. I'm more of a person of the feelings not deeds. And of course.. I don't have almost any money right now.. and how ever you would calculate a relationship demands some.. even simple one-nightey demands some dough. Anyway.. most of my life I have avoided getting too close with someone, but I can say that it's hard.

The one after the last

It was already 28 years ago when I was born. Or was it that long time ago. Just twenty eight, or twenty eight the damn forever - when was that. This year I have had many days when time runs exactly at the right pace.. how I like. Yet not all the time. Last year time run too fast, I think. Some fast going years, some really slow going.. so how long ago it was.. my birth, I mean? 28 spins around the Sun. At this day it seems like forever, but it's clear that I haven't been forever. How should I know how much time I have been in this form. If twenty eight years would be so same amount for us, then I should also have some insight how much time it takes for me to get 56 years old. As much more as I already have lived. Same much more these short or long years, months and days, that all are composed of seconds.. and seconds you can easily count: one, two, three.. That is how easily we can feel the pace of time, but never understand or remember it. 28 years - I know that concept, yet even after living through that time I don't know exactly what it means.

***
It was the time of folksong festival in Estonia.. Sadly, I wasn't there (at Viljandi where it was held). In the beginning of weekend we went to Tallinn to play pool with friends.. just a good social time. Pool is simple enjoyment, friends are basically ordinary.. what I like most about these kinds of rides is that these almost all the time end at the night times. Well, I'm the night person. I like the night already because of the night sky, the feeling at night, and that peacefulness (not silence itself.. but night is when people normally don't work.. they unwind). I love the city at night, I'm fascinated to watch different people.. yet at night it feels even better. At nights people are more free, more social. We saw some pretty weird kinds.. few really talkative girls, some guys who liked to buy night snack in underwear, etc.
Yesterday, one of my earliest friends came back to home for a while after working in Norway. So I went to see him too. And today I read the blog of two guys who already have traveled to India by land, and once more to Iran.. and been to north-western Africa. When still in Europe (in these old soviet states Ukraine and Moldova) they already had so much trouble that they really scared the shit out of me about any official who can extort something from travelers so easily. Of course I haven't planned to go through these countries.. if I even can get so far as starting my voyage.
Huh.. I'm quite tired tonight.. so I think I go to sleep now. Peace and love!

SOCA - Summer Outdoors Chillin' Atmosphere

It was my birthday again, and again a day before me was birthday of my very good friend. Actually at 16th it was birthday of Max, at 17th Martin's, at 18th mine, and at 19th of Ats' girlfriend, who all were celebrating it at Martin's grandma's place. Really fantastic site - green and cozy.. and when we add the sunny weather that is always definite at the time of the birthdays of me and Martin (guess we have some really good friends among the higher powers), then there is almost nothing that can ruin the mood. Well yeah, Max had problems with his girlfriend (now possibly ex-girlfriend) that troubled me littlebit.

I went to Kiviloo (the place where Martin's grandmother lives) earlier than other our friends,.. helped with things and just enjoyed the peace there, started reading the final book of the Lian Hearn's "Tales of the Otori" and enjoyed the really good company of Martin's relatives. They show me a family of seven or eight hedgehogs living under one of the bushes in the garden. One of Martin's relatives had printed a page of information about hedgehogs.. so we took it all through. Did you know, hedgehogs have 16000 thorns. It just made me wonder if they all have exactly 16000 or are there some +/- versions too.

These hedgehogs were not only little cuties who got attention. There was extremely beautiful and tidy cat who, as Martin said had wandered off from his real home and ended up here.. without any sign of intentions to leave. He had really cool pattern with somewhat leopard-like dots at the sides and zig-zaging thin stripes over his back and head. Tail was mainly onecoloured but ended with light orangeish brown stripes. I asked Martin what is the cat's name and he said that he calls him Puma. Yet at one point one of our friends called the littleguy a Lynx (Ilves in estonian), from what I finally got his new name, Toomas Hendrik Ilves (To those who don't know, our Estonian president has aforementioned name too).

I hadn't partied for a while now.. as I still don't have a real job, it's understandable. So we basically stayed up whole night, but for the reason to test the tent, I slept for four hours in the morning. Tent is very simple, easily put up in about a minut. But I fear it won't hold rain. Well, testing the tent was important because in october I hope to start my journey to India, and that by the land either by hitchhiking or by bicycle.. with only some parts of Iran and Pakistan by trains or busses. Although plan is pretty much thought out already, the fact that I'd need quite a sum of cash too, is somewhat breaking the dream. For now I have a little illustrating gig for Kudrun's book about Estonia, and a really more of a hobby thing as an actor in one of upcoming commercial shooting in Latvia. But I'd need at least two months job with fine or even good salary.. and october is coming so fast. The reason why I want to go in october is because this is the utmost best time to travel through Europe before the cold (and hopefully it doesn't rain so much either), and get to Mid-East just as the weather gets fine for travel there. If I'd get to Pakistan-India area in december it should be perfect as monsoon season should just be over then. At least my mood is good for a change and I'm at the peak of strong will. I don't even know what I would do in India, but I guess if I have strong belief then probably I will survive. And for sure I'd like to meet some friends out there around the world.. and of course I would like to find many new friends too.

But what more to say about the birthday?! Oh, the (ex)girlfriend of Max didn't want to believe that i'm already 28. At first she thought that I'm joking.. then she asked me to look into her eyes and say it again. In contrary to my own view lately, she said that I'm looking well younger.. what is good. Heh, my granny told about one of the earliest guys with whom her other daughter (not my mum) met. This guy was as they say, a babyface.. really looking younger, having reddish glow on his face.. such a favourite for many gyals. But he tried to learn to smoke. Granny asked then, why he so much wants to learn to smoke.. is it something to be more cool or something. He then answered that he wants to look older. That made me laugh with the feeling of sadnes for this dumbass who is not happy with the young prettyboy look.

Even the celebration at home with family was ok.. better than last year. Didn't feel wrong somehow, even though I don't have so good relations with them lately. Mum even made her own baked cake which is rare thing.

Ok.. I think that I'm gonna read the book now.. yes the same earlier mentioned Otori one. Really, it's one of my favorites.. semihistoric story with some features of fiction and fantasy taking place in the medieval Japanesque land. Ok, there is not much of the real history, but depiction of things, conditions, people and their manners and habits, their nature is well following the real history. As the writer is women, it still even after four books really amazes me how well she writes through the eyes of a man, how well she knows the tactics of war, and how perfectly she depicts the war itself and the managing it between the battles. Now, don't think that this book is some bloody war story.. no actually this is the story of great love, honor and friendship with much more attention on human soul than anything I've read before. With the four earlier books I have really felt such strong feelings for the characters like only the "All quiet on Western Front" have made me feel.

Ok, so.. I'll finish here. Be good my friends!

That's how they did it in the old times.. well, almost

This piece I call Settecento, what means 18th century for Italian. In arthistory it is common to name artperiods with such Italian words for corresponding centuries. This digital painting got such name from me because when in university I started studying French and in one lesson we had to tell our birth years and dates, then one co-student made a joke about me being born in 18th century (probably because of my hairstyle and pale skin). And although I was really born in 1981 and everyone knows it, this "belief" got widely spread.. and I too liked the idea. So this got to be a theme for my selfportrait.. a classicistic painting with some features of soon coming romanticism period. So this is the result.. a selfportrait over what I'm really proud.


Other than that.. I have had many themes in my head on what to write, but for some reason didn't do that. My summer will be filled with painting, searching for job, little bicycle trips few days in length around Estonia and preparing for possible bigger voyage in autumn if I don't find any rason to stay in homeland.. but I hope that in between there somewhere I take some time to blog too. Oh and I plan to start writing a book too, yet this may take as long as ever.. I have nowhere to hurry with that.

An old piece

fight for life

fight for dreams

fight for light

fight to see

do not kill

fight by other means

fight for free will

fight for me

fight for survival

fight for salvation

death and denial

greed and betrayal

fight for sunshine

fight to love

gather your strength

and choose the righteous war

fight for the music

fight for truth

fight not to lose it

fight for youth

fight for humanity

fight for naturality

change slavery to liberty

fight is only way to immortality

rasta against greenweed's illegality

religion versus materiality

everyone has own delight

everyone has own fight

28 times more i say

fight

fight for your...

Pärast pimedat talve

To live is like to love.. all reason is against it, and all healthy instinct for it – Samuel Butler

Uskumatu küll, aga töö puudumine, majanduskriis ja oma vanematest sõltumine toovad endaga kaasa tõsise tuju languse. No mis nii uskumatu, aga isegi mina, kes ma usun vähese raha ja vähese töö tegemise kasulikkusesse, leidsin ennast minule täiesti mitteomasest negatiivsete tunnete puntrast. Ununes missioon maailma muuta, kadus teotahe, tekkisid viha ja masendus. Kõik hea justkui kadus mu peast kuhugile. Veel enamgi, kõige selle jama kohapealt tekkis justkui pimedus - midagi ei osanud enam ette võtta. Ma küll ise tundsin ju kogu aeg, et asjad on valesti jaminu mõtlemine on erinev sellest, millesse ma tegelikult usun ja ma isegi teadsin ju ka oma varasemaid nägemusi, aga miskipärast need enam ei kehtinud. Justkui täielikult ununes, et ma ise olen enda mõtlemise peremees ning ma ise loon tahtejõudu. Need ei tulene millegist välisest, mis järsku võiks väheneda või ära kaduda. Ma polnud juba kaua mõelnud, et elu on kõik crap ja seda poleks üldse vaja. Seda enam tundub see jõhkralt irooniline, et sügisel ma ju kirjutasin sellest, kuidas noortel elutahe kaob.

Õnneks tuli nüüd kevad ja koos päikesega tõusis horisondi tagant ka minu tuju. Mitte iga aasta talvel ei ole ma niimoodi masenduses, kuid aktiivsus väheneb küll ja veidi melanhoolsemaks muutun vast ka. Sel aastal oli aga asi hullem ja tuleb tunnistada, et selle põhjuseks ongi, et talveperiood ühtis probleemidega tööd leida. Aga miks see nii laastavalt mõjub, kui ma vähese rahaga harjunud olen? See on ju täiesti loomulik, et võimetus tööd saada hoolimata, et mul on hea kõrgharidus ja, et ma selle nimel ebanormaalselt palju "võimlen" ning ennast, oma põhimõtteid ohvriks toon, alandab selgelt enesehinnangut. Siiski on asjal ka puht majanduslik külg. Terve ülikooli aja olin ma pärast selle lõpetamist endale oma kodu luua ja nüüd järsku pidi tõdema, et mida ma ka ei proovi, ei taha see teoks saada. Siis avastad järgmiseks, et kriis aina süveneb. Isegi kui olen nii vähe nõudlik kui üldse saab, siis sõpradega tahaks ikka kokku saada, käia kunstinäitusel või pelmeenikohvikus, vahel väikese veini juua, võtta üle pika aja osa mõnest mõnusast reggae peost. Aga ühel hetkel pole isegi selleks võimalust. Siis tundub, et ilma rahata ei ole sa enam midagi väärt. Sul pole võimalik teha seda, mida su sõbrad sindkutsuvad tegema. Päris häbi ei teki, aga endast hakkab hale, kui teistega kokku saada. Vaikselt areneb isiklik väike sotsiaalne kriis. Vägisi tekib mõte, et sellisena pole sind kellegile vaja, sest sa oled pidur, oled igav ja tülikas oma muredega.

Ega ma pole tegelikult ikka veel tööd saanud ja raha hetkel peaaegu pole, tehes mind täielikult sõltuvaks vanematest. Seda hullem, et nende arust on kõik minu enda viga ja seepärast pidevalt vingutakse ka veel mu kallal. Aga nagu ma ütlesin, on inimese tahe ja emotsioonid pigem omavahel seotud, mitte seotud majandusliku olukorra või kindla kohaga maailmas. Selle tahte peadki siis kusagilt enda seest peidust üles leidma ning kasutama seda mõtlemisvõime, aktiivsuse ja positiivsemate emotsioonide taasleidmiseks. Sealt edasi võib elu küll olla endiselt raske, kuid vähemalt väärtuslik. Ma olen võitleja.

Tööturu kriisist veel nii palju, et veidi aega tagasi vaatasi jälle "Foorumit", kus oli teemaks loomulikult majanduslangus ja otsiti võimalusi sellest edukalt välja tulekuks. Külalisteks olid erinevad kõvad majandustegijad ja targad mehed majandus kõrgkoolidest. Kuigi tavalise selles saates areneva kõva vaidluse asemel, näitasid need mehed väga head üksmeelset arvamust ja loogilise arendusega diskussiooni, oli minu jaoks nende mõtetes mitu küsitavat kohta. Neid ma siin välja tooksingi.

Minu jaoks oli eriti häiriv ütlus selle kohta, et ümberõpe ja suur tööjõu ringlus on täiesti normaalne. Nojah, majandusele tähendab see jõudu, aga kas keegi ka inimfaktorile mõtleb. Jällegi tuleks siinkohal korrata, et mitte inimene ei peaks olema süsteemi jaoks vaid süsteem inimese jaoks. Kui peetakse normaalseks, et üks inimene ei peagi kaua sama töö peal olema, vaid pidevalt ootamatuid vallandamisi ja koondamisi ning nendega kaasas käivaid individuaalseid probleeme trotsides pidevalt uut tööd otsima. Vahepeal veel lisaks pidevalt uusi ja uusi erialasid õppima, et kinni püüda mõni tööots, millest sa kunagi unistanud pole, millega sul pole mingit ühendust ja kus seepärast ülemused pidevalt sinu väikese entusiasmi kohta märkusi teevad. Selle inimese jaoks tähendaks see seda, et tema elus ei ole mingit stabiilsust. Vähe sellest, et kahaneb ta majanduslik kindlus, ka ükski pank ei taha sulle laenu anda (mitte, et see üldse eriti hea oleks), sest sa pidevalt reisid ühest töökohast teise, saad väikest palka, aga kõige hullem on see, et taoline elu viib väga kergesti stressi ning väärtushinnangute kriisini. Inimene peaks pidevalt juurde õppima, kuid kas on tal selleks kriitilist sundust vaja. Arvate, et kui pidevalt uut juurde õppida, siis peaks ju arvamus enesest tõusma ja profesionaalsus suurenema. Jah, idealistlikus pildis küll, kuid kui siis ikkagi ei saa oma töös ja elus kindel olla, siis tekib inimesel hoopis arusaam, et ma olen tark, aktiivne ja veel kümmet eri moodi hea tegija, kuid tegelikkuses ei huvita see kedagi. Tegelikkuses olen ma lihtsalt võimuliinide ja/või korporatiivsete juhtkondade mängukann. Ja siis imestatakse, et miks on paljudel oma ülemuste või eksülemuste vastu viha ning rahulolematus kogu süsteemi suhtes.

Teiseks.. riigis, kus juba varakult, võibolla isegi enne kogu ametliku hariduskaruselli algust, kindlalt aga juba algkoolis, üritatakse meile selgeks teha, et meie jaoks on kõik võimalused avatud ning meil on õigus ennast arendada just meie enda soovide ning loomupäraste eelduste järgi. Vähemasti mind nii õpetati ja üldiselt see oleks ka normaalne, sest inimene ei saa ennast motiveerida tegelema millegiga, milleks tal pole ei huvisid ega eeldusi. Töö juures on ju aga motivatsioon väga tähtis. Kõvast rahapatakast aga ei piisa ja nii kui nii ka palkasid pidevalt nüüd vähendatakse, võetakse vähemaks kõiksuguseid soodustusi ning motiveerivat ei ole enam kuskilt otsast näha.

Mina, kes ma pärinen suguvõsast, kus kunstiga tegelevaid inimesi on palju, olen juba sünnipäraselt huvitatud kultuurist ja selle arendamisest. See on mul geenides. Nüüd olen ma magistrikraadiga kunstiõpetaja haridusega noormees, kellel pole juba pea terve aasta tööd olnud. Aga ma tean, et miski, mis jääks väljapoole kunsti, kultuuri, filmitööstust, haridust, disaini ja ütleme ka reklaami ning mõne huviala järgi veel lisaks ehk ajalugu ja poliitikat, siis nende asjadega ei saaks ma hakkama ega oleks kunagi rahul enda eluga, mis mingi suvalise töö ümber oleks ehitatud. Ma olen küll väga laialdaste huvidega, aga siiski tundub piir peal olevat. Inimene peab küll pidevalt edasi arenema, kuid seda ikka selles valdkonnas, kuhu kuulub tema süda. See annab inimesele jõudu, kui ta saab öelda, et selle ala olen ma endale leidnud ja valinud, see mulle meeldib, seda teen ma hästi ja seepärast olen ma hinnatud.

Need majandusanalüütikud tõid ühiskonna eduka juhtimise kohta näite, et maailma suurimate ja võimsaimate majandustega riikide valitsused koosnevad enamasti juura ja majandusala asjatundjatest. Mul tekkis seepeale küll küsimus, et kui palju tunneb siis vastavalt üks või teine spetsialist haridust, tervishoidu, reaalpoliitikat näiteks välissuhetes, kultuuri või ausalt öeldes ükskõik millist nende otsese elualaga seotud sfääri vajadusi. Veel enam, mis saaks sellisel juhul isiku vabadustest. Kas saaks tõesti teoks kord, kus kõik on numbrite ja paragraafide järgi just süsteemi efektiivsuse jaoks korraldatud. Kui süsteem muuta sel viisil efektiivsemaks, siis kujutage ette, kui jõhker oleks otsustav kogu ja täideviiv võim. Nende suurte majandusriikide puhul saabki ju tuua hulga näiteid, kuidas piiratakse eraisiku vabadusi, kuidas vabadused on puhtalt formaalsus paberil ning kuidas tegelik võim on kas salaluure ja eliidi tipu või suurkorporatsioonide käes, kes teeb kõik, et mingil muttril poleks vähimatki võimalust midagi tegelikult muuta.

Hea küll, ma saan ju loomulikult aru, et mitte kõikide lapsepõlve roosad unistused parimast tööst ei lähe täide. Lihtsalt ei ole nii palju tellimust mõningate erialade töötajate järele, kui meie enda eelduste ja huvide põhjal tahaksime loota. Kuid see ei tähenda, et saaks normaalseks pidada olukorda, kus kodanik ei saa kuidagi oma ametiposti säilimises kindel olla või ka sellega, et hoolimata vähesele reaalsele tellimusele teatud eriala inimeste järele, käib ometi nende tööliste koolitamine täiel jõul edasi. Samal ajal toimub valitsuses aga vägikaikavedu ja suur sõnelus, et kuidas keegi midagi paremaks teeks. Ometi pole tulemusi näha. Juba tükk aega on meie riik tegelikult valitsemise ja haldamise seisukohalt olnud peaaegu paigalseisus. Arenevas riigis peaks aga ka juhtimissüsteemid arenema. Mina näiteks olen viimasel ajal hakanud nägema otsese demokraatia eeliseid ning üritanud leida tõsist põhjust, miks me ei võiks Belgia eeskujul sellise tasemeni oma riigisüsteeme arendada. Sellest aga ehk järgmises postituses.